


Every Last One

by TheSilverField



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Suicide, Blowjobs, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, nsfw chapter two, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-20 04:05:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13138722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilverField/pseuds/TheSilverField
Summary: Eren had said every last one, and he meant it.





	1. The Attempt

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for attempted suicide.
> 
> This is canonverse, but it doesn't follow along with the current chapters of the manga. I started writing this after season one first aired, before the we found what secrets were held in the basement, when a prompt (by who, I'm not sure) was released from Eren's perspective of what "Every Last One" meant when the titans were finally eradicated. This was my take at that time. Obviously, things have changed with the new information, but it was still fun, albeit painful, to write. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Comments and kudos are welcome and greatly appreciated! Thank you! :)

Celebration swelled in the mess hall as I walked passed. Soldiers hollering and whooping and singing and dancing through their sloshing steins of ale and liquor, laughing and cheering with one another. The air was simply buzzing with excitement. I heard people calling my name from inside, but I ignored them, continuing to my home-sweet-home in the basement. We had won. The titans were wiped out. Their filth eradicated from this world.

_Well, all except for...._

When I reached my room-- _cell_ \--I hurriedly slammed the door shut, slipping the key I had stolen from Captain Levi's desk into my pocket. I pull out a broken blade from underneath the unkind mattress of my bed, staring at it blankly for a long moment. Hands shaking, I noticed my reflection in the shining silver sword's fragment. My eyes burned bitterly, brimming with tears as fear for the unknown began to settle in the pit of my stomach like the weight of the boulder I carried in Trost.

This was not how I expected conquering the titans would feel.

"Eren! Are you down there?" I hear Armin call from the entry way of the basement. I jump when I hear his voice, the cold metal falling from my grasp and clattering against the stone floor.

_Please, don't come down hear. I can't face you while I do this._

I stay quiet, hoping that will defer him from coming down to check. But it doesn't. The shrill clatter of the sword hitting the floor prodded his ears and prompted him to peek. He came into view, eyebrows knit together in confusion, blazing blue eyes alighted brightly with curiosity. His golden blonde hair was tied back from his face, bandages littering pale skin as a light pink blush dusted his cheeks. I knew he had grown taller, and stronger, over the years, but I could see it more clearly now as I seemed to shrink under his gaze.

"Eren, what on earth are you doing down here?" His voice had gotten deeper too. More commanding, almost. "Captain's looking for you." As deep as it's gotten however, his voice is still smooth and kind, but thick with worry as he assesses the situation. I could practically see the gears turning in his head as it seemed he was trying to answer his own question.

I quickly stepped in front of the blade, kicking it behind me further under the bed with a raking screech, and wiping my tears away harshly. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be up in a minute. I just need some time to think..." I lied, hoping the tremor in my voice wasn't as noticeable as I thought, and that my unruly hair was hiding the tips of my burning, reddening ears.

Armin tries to pull open the cell's gate, but it doesn't budge. Locked tight. He tries again and again, and I know that he can see that something's clearly wrong, grunting at how hard he was pulling. "Eren... Why would you lock yourself in? What are you doing? Come on out and see Captain Levi an--"

"Don't say his name!" I yell, my resolve in what I was doing melting away at the sound of  _his_ name. At the memory of his face.

I see his smile, beaming only for me. His silver eyes, shining only for me. I can feel his hands all over me, his embrace warm and familiar. His lips leaving small kisses, dotting them across my skin so softly that sometimes I barely felt them. His voice in my ear. His breath on my neck. Skin on skin. Hand in hand. Lips to lips. Every moment as precious to me in my mind now as when they happened. But I tried to force the thought away, knowing I wouldn't follow through if I didn't.

" _Don't._ I _have_ to do this. So..." I took a deep breath, looking away from his unwavering gaze. "So you  _can't_ say his name. I can't see him. Or you. Get out of here, Armin."

He had flinched away when I yelled, and the sight only brought new tears to my eyes as his own spilled down his cheeks. I wanted to take the key, rip open the gate, and hug him just one more time as an endless string of apologies spewed and sputtered from my trembling lips.

_No. You can't falter. If you want him to be free, for all of them to be free, you're going to have to hurt them. They'll get over it... Eventually. After all, you aren't one of them. Not anymore. You're a monster._ You're _the enemy. You have to end this._

_Once and for all._

"What are you talking about, Eren? What are you planning?" he asked softly, hands white-knuckled on the bars of my long time cage.

"I..." But there was no point in hiding the truth. Armin was smart. No, he was  _brilliant._ I bet I only had a few more seconds before he figured it out on his own, if he didn't already. With another deep breath, I reached down to the ground, and took up the last shard of hope in my violently trembling hands, my eyes wild and broken as they met his again. "I said every last one, and I meant it." I whispered coldly, tears falling numbly before my body wracked with a sob.

His face twisted in horror and grief, looking on me as if I had already died. Like he was watching my corpse begin to decay with each passing second. "Eren, no.  _No._ You can't do this. I can't let you do this." With that, he bolted for the door, tears streaming as he screamed for Levi.

_Too late..._

As soon as I hear the footsteps pounding towards me, my face pales and I panic. I back myself into a corner, the jagged edge of the broken blade hovering over my tanned, unscarred skin. Just as I'm about to press in, to slice my nape open,  _his_ voice stopped me.

"Eren, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Levi's panicked cry cuts through the air sharper than any blade could ever hope to be, embedding itself in my bleeding heart.

I refused to look at him, and it killed me. All I wanted was to go to him. To hold him. To kiss him. To love him. But I couldn't. Not when I am  _what_ I am and there's no way to fix  _that_ part of me. "Levi... Please, don't stop me..." I begged through a sob, hissing and fighting everything in me that told me to stop when I barely nicked my skin.

"The hell I'm not going to stop you." He growled, but his voice lacked venom, too broken by the sight before him to be intimidating. "How did you even lock yourself in there? You don't have a--"

I cut him off by pulling the stolen key from my pocket, guilt swimming as endless as the ocean in my sea green gaze. "From your desk... So you can't get in..." I admitted quietly, finally bringing my eyes to meet his. My heart broke all over again. To anyone but me, he looked just as he always did. Angry scowl creasing his brow. Lips set in a deep frown. But I could see it. Pain, loss, grief. It hunched his shoulders and drenched his beautiful eyes. There was fire still, lingering in his stormy silver irises, but it was dying and I knew.

The moment I left this world, he wouldn't be far behind.

There was something else in his eyes. Understanding. He brought a hand into his pocket, pulling out an identical key to the one I had clutched tight in my own fist. In seconds, the gate was open and he was suddenly in front of me, swatting the sword out of my hand as I stood frozen in shock. "You _shitty brat._ You think I'd be fucking stupid enough not to keep a damn spare?" He rasped, his voice thick with heartbreak, actually cracking on my old nickname.

I stared down into his eyes with my own grief, the lump in my throat choking me into stunned silence. After a moment more, my head ducks and my eyes squeeze shut, hands covering my face in shame. "Levi... You... You don't understand... I have to do this..."

Levi's hands were on my wrists, tugging my hands in an attempt to uncover my face. "You're right." he whispers much softer now, and I can hear that he's on the edge of breaking down. "You're right that I don't understand. I don't fucking understand why you think you have to die for everyone when it's _over_ , Eren. It's over now. You're free..."

I shook my head, rubbing the heels of my hands harshly into my eyes.  _Suck it the fuck up, Eren. You don't deserve to fucking cry._ "But you're not..." I whisper as quietly as a breath, inhaling deeply as my back slides down the wall until I'm sitting against it. I can still feel him near me, the warmth of his presence so close I could reach out and touch him. But I don't dare. "Levi... As long as I'm alive, you'll never be free... You don't understand..." I whimpered, tears leaving their salty trails down my cheeks despite my effort to push them back.

"No, _you_ don't fucking understand." He seethes, his anger finally showing itself through his hurt. If I didn't know any better, I would probably cower away. But I know my Levi, and I knew he wouldn't lay a hand on me, no matter how angry he got. Not after  _that_ time. "Eren, do you really think that we could just... That _I_ could... You..." he cursed at himself, and I heard him take a few steps away. He had never been very good with words, especially when trying to explain his feelings. Finally, hushed words leave his lips in a sigh so quiet that I almost missed them.

"Living a life with you  _is_ my freedom."

I can't hold back a sob at that. My memories of our time together, short so far, but no less sweet. The feelings for him, and his for me, that we had kept hidden from each other for so long. Trying to put out the flickering flame of our love was futile, like trying to prevent a house fire by dowsing it with kerosene. My need for him. To be held by him, and kissed by him, and loved by  _him_. It all flooded back, and it made me feel like complete shit. 

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, lovey... I just... I thought this would free you... All of you..." I went rigid when I felt him wrap his arms around me, but my body ached for the comfort of his embrace as I leaned further in. I finally uncovered my face, wrapping my own arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry... I'm just so fucking sorry..."

"You better be." It sounded like that was supposed to be a threat, but it was so empty. So hollow. His body, overtime, had become a graveyard, and I was a corpse surrendering myself to lie within him for the rest of eternity. "Look at me, my darling." he demanded softly, but I'd be lying if I wasn't afraid to look into those steely eyes.

But of course I did.

When our eyes met once more, I felt myself melting beneath his brokenhearted gaze, immediately pulling him closer to press my forehead to his. I never dropped our eye contact, knowing I needed to see how this had hurt him. I needed to remember the tears threatening to spill at any given second. I needed to remember the way he seemed to be shattering in front of me.

I brought one hand to his cheek, unable to ignore the way he leaned into my touch, and he brought a hand up to shield my nape as if I were still holding the blade. He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, tears disappearing behind his eyelids with no return when they opened once more. "Don't you fucking dare die on me, Jaeger. That's an order." he commanded firmly, leaving no room for argument.

I nodded softly, and leaned against him until our lips brushed. My eyes searched his before they fluttered closed, his body meeting mine the rest of the way to press ourselves into a deep, longing kiss that sucked the air right out of my lungs. With as close as he was, I only pulled him closer, deepening our kiss as my tongue asked his to dance. I whimper softly as my hands caress every inch of his body, his own doing the same. His touch sets me on fire, our bond deepening in the event of my attempted suicide.

_Living a life with you_ is _my freedom._

"Yes, sir."


	2. A Smile Worth Fighting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For now though, there was not a trace of the past few weeks in our heavy breaths and tangled legs. No trace of pain in our lazy kisses and flushed cheeks. No thoughts of loss in our fluttering, racing hearts and wrinkled sheets. It was only us, and the aftermath of passion and love that lingered here for the time being."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut warning, friends. enjoy. ;)
> 
> all of your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. thank you. :)  
> you can also find me on tumblr at @thesilverfield

It had been a few weeks since what we were deeming "the incident." Armin and Mikasa checked in every few hours, and Levi refused to leave me alone for even a second unless it was to use the bathroom. Even then, any and all objects I could potentially hurt myself with had been taken out and hidden away. I didn't argue or complain, only let my friends and my love do whatever they needed to feel better.

I had since moved in to the Captain's quarters. I should've felt happier about it, I would have, were it not for the circumstances of  _why_. It didn't take long to adjust to living with him. I already knew his standards of cleanliness, and we had been together for a while, so it was more than a desirable experience. But, when he thought I couldn't see, I would catch him glancing at my right hand as if he expected to still see the blade held there. As if he expected to look up from paperwork one day to see me break again.

Like he expected to wake up next to my corpse.

The look in his eyes in those moments were crippling.

For now though, there was not a trace of the past few weeks in our heavy breaths and tangled legs. No trace of pain in our lazy kisses and flushed cheeks. No thoughts of loss in our fluttering, racing hearts and wrinkled sheets. It was only us, and the aftermath of passion and love that lingered here for the time being.

He was still hovering over me, our chests pressed together so that we could feel the steady pounding of our hearts as we came down from our high of one another. His lips on mine, moving down to my neck, nipping at my collarbones. Everything he did set me ablaze, scorching my very soul.

”You’re so beautiful...” he whispered lovingly against my tanned skin, and my cheeks flushed an even darker shade of crimson.

I shook my head softly, running my fingers through his soft raven hair, loving the fuzzy feeling of his undercut against my fingertips. “I’m not...” My voice was hardly audible, and scratchy from having moaned his name over and over.

 "You are to me." he stated firmly, and his tone left no room for further argument. His lips were soft as rose petals as they trailed down my chest and abs, clothing me his kisses. "I'm the Captain here, brat. Whatever I say is law, and I say you're beautiful."

I held back an eye roll, offering him a small smile instead. "Yes, sir."

His lips smirked against my skin, his usually dark and tired eyes alight with love and something else that was hard to name. He was looking at me as if I were the only thing tethering him to this world, and for the moment that was enough to make me forget. Though he always seemed to remain in a constant state of neutrality when it came to things like this, uncaring even, I could see that he was happy. He was pleased with what he had reduced me to just moments earlier, but still not quite satisfied, restless and lusty.

His lips continued to trail down to trace the contours of my hips, and I was quickly losing my breath all over again. " _My love..._ " The words slipped out as a sigh, and it took everything in me not to buck my hips into his face. My fingers clutched the sheets so tightly I thought I had ripped holes into the thin fabric, and I had already grown painfully hard again.

"Yes, my darling? Do you need something?" he asked teasingly, and that seductive wink was almost all it took to bring me to my second high. Before I could attempt to answer him, he was kissing my tip, his hot tongue lapping up what was already dripping over. My head thrown back, eyes screwed shut, body buzzing with overstimulation, I barely had time to beg him for more before he was taking me into the wet heat of his mouth.

" _Ah! Levi... Mmmm._ " I hummed in content, my hands making their way to tangle in his soft raven locks. I gasped and shuddered when his deep moan sent vibrations through my pulsing cock, and I nearly lost any form of self-control I had when he swallows around me.

His head bobbed up and down, slow and steady, his teeth scraping against my shaft to have me shivering and whimpering out his name. His tongue lapped and laved at the underside of my cock, massaging and toying and encircling, driving me insane. 

Levi moaned on me once more, but it sounds more like a whine now, and he's tugging on my hand. Our eyes meet, and his are whispering silent sweet nothings and praises, beckoning me. He takes me all the way, nose buried against my freshly shaven groin, and swallows against me again when I hit the back of his throat to have me coming with one last, drawn out moan of complete and utter satisfaction.

I fall back into the pillows, sated and spent and practically  _melting_ as Levi pulls off of me with an audible pop, licking his lips before he lays by my side. His slender, calloused fingers run through my disheveled, chestnut locks, placing loving kisses against my shoulder. 

"How do you feel, my darling Eren? Was I satisfactory?" he winks teasingly, tilting my chin towards him to move his lips to mine.

I moaned softly into the kiss, the corners of my mouth quirking up into a smile. "You always are." I chuckled breathlessly, my voice rough and raspy with exhaustion. "I love you, Levi."

Levi doesn't smile often, so it's always a true treasure to cherish when he does. He saves it for moments like these, when it's just the two of us. When we're intimate. When the rest of the world sleeps and our hearts beat together in unity. It's in these moments that he's free and comfortable, and we give ourselves to one another fully.

And with his smiles he stores his I love yous, safe in the cracks of his broken heart, the depths of his soul. He's created a thick-skinned shield in attempt to keep others out. Four steel walls, no windows, no doors. No entrances, but no exits. Still, somehow I had wormed my way in, and I couldn't be happier.

Being with him took patience. He was brooding, and rude at times, a little rough around the edges. He had his flaws, his bad days that sometimes stretched into weeks, and his baggage. We had our disagreements and our arguments, but it was moments like this that made it all worth it.

His lips stretched into a wide, beaming grin. One I'd only seen a few times before, where his perfect, pearly teeth were on full display, dimples popping proudly in his cheeks, and the corners of his shining silver eyes crinkled. It was the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen, and I wanted to see it everyday for the rest of my life.

Levi leaned in close with a chuckle when he noticed the awe in my sparkling teal eyes, and dotted kisses across my face. Finally, he placed a gentle, loving kiss to my lips before he pulled away to rest his head against my chest. "Get some rest, brat."

I curled around his body happily, kissing his forehead as my eyes fluttered closed. It was when my body was fully relaxed, and I was teetering over the edge of sleep when I heard him speak again, his voice only a mere whisper.

"I love you too, Eren."


End file.
